Undeniably Magic

Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to see you again. Would my stomach drop? Would my heart break into a million pieces? Or would I have the courage to keep walking and pretend like I didn’t see you?

Sometimes the pain can be so crippling at times. It’s almost as if you literally ripped a part of my heart out and I’ve been slowly bleeding out since.

…pause.

I’m almost disgusted with myself reading these over. I’m not, but almost. I know it isn’t for me to feel guilt for falling for you. You made me believe you were someone else.

Someone so weak. So manipulative.

You think you can just jump in and out of peoples lives. For why? That’s the disgusting part, honestly.

You’re so used to getting what you want from these also, sorry to say, weak women. You use, abuse, and manipulate before you end up in the same old routine. Riddled with guilt so you disappear before you do it again. No, you probably have zero guilt about the things you do. You are at the end of the day a narcissist.

It’s comical so many people around you justify your bad behavior.

Here’s the thing…

When I heard your voice as I accidentally picked up the call from an unknown number, I was startled. Taken aback. I didn’t know how to feel. It was a mix between feeling upset, angry, wondering if I should be MORE upset or MORE angry and I didn’t know how to release that energy.

You caught me off guard.

I always knew you would though. I can only imagine the chaotic turmoil that is your mind.

I won’t give you much but I will give you this. You know right from wrong. Period. That’s where it ends. You aren’t a fundamentally good person. You may WANT to be, but that’s not who you are authentically.

If there was a picture of “hurt people hurt people” it would be you through and through. But that‘s nonetheless and has nothing to do with me at this point in life.

I do wish you would stop texting me, calling me, and FaceTiming from random numbers. There is nothing and I mean nothing you and I have to talk about.

I hate that the person I am to my core, knows you just want “peace of mind” and some days, I ask myself, is it even worth it? Would it burden me to reply back “what is it you need?”. But you know that’s who I am. A good person who just wants peace. That’s why you selfishly thought to disrupt my life a few days before my birthday. It’s just so typical of you. Self serving or nothing.

The best and maybe only the relief I have gotten from your obnoxious self centered shenanigans is that I don’t even live in the same time zone as you anymore.

You think by texting me “make a wish” (because you know how powerful 11:11 is to me) that you can “somehow” guilt me into responding. THAT is manipulation at it’s finest and I won’t let you ruin 11:11 for me. Matter of fact, the universe won’t even let you ruin it for me. That’s probably why I needed to move far, far away.

I love that for me. I wish you well. I hope you find the help you so desperately need.