Undeniably Magic

I miss you more than imaginable. I knew one day I would not have you around but I never expected it to happen so quickly. I have found peace thus far knowing the last words you spoke to me were “love you”. I could not have asked for better “last words”.

I used to see you every night in my dreams. They felt so incredibly real and I would wake up with this feeling like “wait – no stop”. At first, I was a little sad but soon realized I believe you were trying to tell me something. When I “cracked” that code, you stopped visiting me. I hope you come back. I won’t be selfish as I’m sure you have a lot of dreams to make appearances in.

Dad, I just ask that you please help guide me through these uncertain times. I often feel so incredibly lost these days. Ever since you passed, Dad, I’ve found myself not knowing what to do or where to go. It was almost as if just knowing you were physically here on this planet with me, I could make the right decisions. I felt so safe. I knew you would always be there for me. I know you’re still with me. I feel your presence so heavy. Especially in the sky. The skies have been so beautiful lately. I just know it’s you. Thank you for that.

I know Mom misses you with every breath she takes. I often wish it was me that was taken away instead of you. I know that the pain, while maybe still deep, would have been different. Especially for her. I wish I could take that pain away from her, you know? I know you know because you lived the most unselfish life giving to any and everyone before you even thought about yourself. It is such an admirable treat, Daddy. You should see all the love and support from your friends. I never knew you had so many! They love you so much. Can you blame them though? I wish they made them like you these days. I wish I could have broken more barriers with you and got to hear more stories about your life and adventures. I am so thankful for the time I did get with you.

I wish I could apologize and thank you 100 million trillion times more for all you have done for me and put up with. I did not deserve any of it and I often I feel an immense guilt. More so ever because I feel it has taken away from Mom. I want to succeed and help so bad I don’t think anyone would ever understand. All I ever wanted was to make you proud and repay you for everything. I know you wouldn’t have accepted it but at least I could have bought you a mustang and that 2 door Maserati you always wanted. I won’t say sorry, Dad, because I know I know. “Sorry is a sorry word for a sorry person. Don’t be sorry just don’t do it again.”. This saying of yours (and so many others) run through my mind so many times a day.

I hope you know the impact you have had on all of our lives. If anyone in this world could have raised 6 daughters, it was without a doubt, you. I couldn’t even count if I tried the number of times I heard “There’s 6 daughters?! Omg your poor dad!” but I would quickly let them know you loved it (whether you would ever admit it or not hah).

Thank you, Daddy-o for being you. For never, ever giving up on us. Love you to infinity and beyond.